Last night I was watching a program on Showtime called Bullshit a fine program hosted by Penn Gillette and Teller. I find it to be humorous due to the show's irreverant style of debunking popular social myths. Last night they were discussing swear words. I love swear words. I try not to use them too frequently, because if I were to overuse them, they would lose their pop. ... read on

This evening as I watched [adult swim] on the Cartoon Network, the opening of The Family Guy reminded me of some commercials I'd heard on the radio recently, commercials for animal acupuncture. Who in their right mind would take a flea-ridden cat or dog to an acupuncturist? It's an animal, certainly I can understand wanting to keep a pet that has become a part of the f ... read on

Songs that get stuck in your head, are a nuisance upon all the human race. Any and all who create them owe us each an apology. The Bangles owe us all an apology for Manic Monday. Bananarama owes us for Cruel Summer. Neil Diamond owes us for Sweet Caroline. These are the songs that frustrate and annoy us all. Songs that are good, but so catchy and memorable that 20+ year ... read on

Look, this is for all of the jackasses who have their heads firmly in place within their butts. If you are going to be making idiotic statements on the Internet claiming that another person is an idiot, with your very own conjured up anecdotal evidence, take flippin' moment to spellcheck. This word, "definately" is definitely NOT a word. It is only a bright shining example ... read on

The question of who is dumber has entered my mind many times, keeping me up nights, who's dumber The Simpsons' Homer Simpson or The Family Guy's Peter Griffin? Anyone who is a fan of both shows, knows that the answer seems easy enough to answer at first, but if you think too much about it, it isn't so clear. Personally, I've decided that it is Homer Simpson, after much ... read on

Hello! How are you this fine day? Great glad to hear it. Recently, I have had the pleasure of having my wisdom teeth removed. A costly affair, full of pain and more pain. Well, actually it hasn't hurt that bad, but I do get a full day's worth of bleeding going every time one is chucked from my skull. Three weeks ago, I had an upper removed, and it was a great experience ... read on

Well, I've been lazy. I haven't ranted about anything for weeks. I blame both lack of inspiration and the fact that I now have high-definition programming on my television. I've been wanting to upgrade my satellite for almost 2 years, and at long last I have. I will never go back to standard television as long as I live. Two years ago I bought a HD monitor and a progres ... read on

First of all, engaging in adult activities with underage boys, is not what we can learn from the Greeks, though NAMBLA would most certainly disagree with me. I am of course referring to a passion for freedom. After seeing the movie 300 this weekend, it got me to thinking about the ridiculous place we are in globally. We are the only superpower and we are a bunch of whiny b ... read on

I'm sick of the cicada bullshit I keep hearing from the news media. Granted, it has been a few months since I heard this crapola, but I must say something. Idiot scientists have been trying to tell the world that cicadas show up every 17 years. This is complete and utter crap. They are wrong. On the east coast, scientists who know absolutely nothing about entomology are ... read on

Michael Savage (Michael Weiner) has always been dancing on my last nerve, but his vast unending love for himself has kept me tuning in because he is obviously unbalanced. I love the risk of every day on his show. He's always 1 second away from losing his mind and getting pulled from all of his affiliates because of his abusive demeanor and lack of intelligence. His most ra ... read on

I have to rant about myself, because I am tyranical egotist who loves to see his own words formed in a web-page. Today's topic is my pathetic excuse for a memory. I haven't ranted on for awhile, and the reason is, I can never remember any of the great topics which crap on brain. They disappear mere moments after they've popped in there. I always tell myself that the top ... read on

Welcome to what was formerly the worst website ever. I can't claim in vain that it is. Even in the old days when it was loaded with pop-up ads and banners, it never really was the worst website ever. Sure it was hideous (and still is), sure had had no point (and still doesn't), but it never really had the visceral response that the real worst website ever would give you - ... read on

What can be said about public restrooms, that hasn't already been said? They are a disgusting fact of life, a required evil in today's travelling society. But, that doesn't mean that I can't give my piece of mind to the internet public at large. I hate public bathrooms, and not just the idea of using the same facilities as some hairy, back-fatted weirdo. I hate that the ... read on

After reviewing my last rant, Republican or Democrat? I have come to the realization, that I need to at least review my rants before I post them. Certainly, I could go back and correct the grammar and spelling in the horrid little rant, but I care not, and proudly display my ignorance on this day! The fact is, I don't really care. The content was poorly thought out, not ... read on

Well, for the past few weeks, I've been forced to listen to some jackasses from idiotic conservative Christian groups claiming that Spongebob is in fact a homosexual. Heads up! butt-pirates, he isn't gay, he's a cartoon. He doesn't have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, he's asexual, much like real life sponges. Stupid bastards, running their mouth as though they are experts i ... read on

This will be a short rant. There is not a whole lot to say about this delicate subject. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS is not a pothead! Period, end of discussion. You pothead douchebags are making me look bad, because I am a fan of SpongeBob. SpongeBob is a hilarious creation. Plain and simple, and believe it or not, you DO NOT NEED TO BE STONED TO ENJOY SPONGEBOB. I find Spong ... read on

Contrary to popular belief, SpongeBob is not SpongeBong. I have been getting numerous hits (no friggin' pun intended, hippie!) from people who are in fact looking for SpongeBong Hemp Pants, but they inadvertently search for SpongeBob Hemp Pants, and hit my glorious rant about the innocence of the wonderful Nicktoon. I have no problem with you hippies smokin' your dope, vis ... read on

The kindness of strangers, to me that recalls the Simpsons episode where Marge is in a musical play called A Streetcar Named Desire. But, this evening, I was a recipient of such kindness. This Thursday, I awoke with the lovely job of clearing the sidewalks and my driveway, thanks to the snowfall in the Des Moines area (sorry assholes in Des Moines, WA and Des Moines, NM ... read on

First off, I can see where retarded individuals would like to call this a blog. But it isn't. Sure, it may look like a blog and walk like a blog, but it isn't a blog. A weblog or "blog" as they are now so gloriously touted on the Internet, is a sort of web diary or journal. This isn't my diary, I keep that tucked under my pillow so I can keep track of all the hunky boys I ... read on

Recently, as my regular visitors may know (all 3 of you), my website along with hundreds of others, was struck by a virus that attacked sites running PhpBB. This virus, probably written by a child (as suggested by the title of this rant [sorry, not the STD/VD type of virus]). Which begs the question, just what the hell is wrong with kids? While, I can see the sophomoric ... read on

Greetings from your friendly neighborhood DickMatt. It has been a very rainy week here in central Iowa. Just a few weeks a go we were in a drought, but now we are in flash flood warnings. I say let the rain come. Bring on the floods, thunderstorms, and tornadoes. No hail though, as I do not want damage to my car. Spring storms are fun to watch whether it is on the ne ... read on

Sunday, I travelled north to the village of Ankeny. Whilst in that fair hamlet, I partook in the fast food at a Wendy's near Oralabor Road. Then traversed the swift interstate back to my humble hovel, and it was an experience. Upon entering the Wendy's I stood in line for nearly five minutes before any of the serfs working behind the counter would even glance in my dire ... read on

If you have ever visited this site in the past, you are fully aware of how rarely, if ever, it gets updated. Well, hopefully things are going to be changing now, I have a new way to update it, without having to bust my ass to update every freakin' link on every freakin' page. It is now done automatically, without me having to do anything other than let my dumb-ass rant on ... read on