I've mentioned these less than human creatures before, but I felt it was time to bring to light what exactly they are and why I have such a heated hatred for them as to be able to melt butter with my anger.

You've seen them, they walk around as though they rule the world, and in a sense, they do. They have their ignorant mouths open, always ready to catch the next fly to come buzzing too close, and you can hear them breathing from a good 50 yards off. They tend to have a prominently sloped brow, almost neanderthalesque in appearance, but yet without enough strength or intelligence to actually pose a threat to mankind.

I say that they rule the world in a sense because, they reproduce at an incredible rate. While a college educated person will not have a child until their mid twenties to early thirties, by the time a mouth breather reaches this age, their first born is dropping out of high school, and the young-uns, all four under the age of four, are already being arrested for the first time. At these incredible reproduction rates, it is theoretically possible for them to get enough of a population boost as to vote one of their own into a powerful office by the time I reach 50.

Not only are they stupid and horny, they also have offensive body aromas. One cannot stand within 15 feet of a mouth breather and not notice their foul stench and lack of proper hygiene, even those of us blessed enough to not have a sense of smell. They are disgusting pukes, who are generally even more out of shape than me, and that's an indictment of their health care system. They love to wear No Fear, Big Johnson, and other outdated humor/tough guy related T-shirts, as it aids them in their mating rituals. Afterall, if a guy can pick out a funny/intimidating T-shirt at the local Pamida, you know he's a keeper.

Much like their mullet cousins, mouth breathers love to drive Camaros, especially the mid-eighties versions of the car. They'll spin yarns for hours on end about how they souped that muh-fuhker up, and how they can whip your ass in it, then get out and whip your ass again. They love to talk tough, it's like the crack cocaine to them. There is absolutely nothing to fear though, as 90% of them will use a pathetic diversion tactic moments before they are beaten to the ground by a yuppy (a yuppy is defined by mouth breathers as someone who showers on a regular basis), such as "I'm a black belt in karate man, you don't want any of this." Which in many cases causes them to get beaten more severely, losing multiple teeth in a day. (But it gives them a great story to tell their friends over some Milwaukee's Best, about how they kicked a yuppy with a crowbar's ass.)

Mouth breathers pose no true threat to the intelligent folks of America, except in the form of tainting the gene pool. They are easily identifiable, as they breathe through their damned mouths 99.9999996% of the time, and at audible levels. If you see one of these sub-humans, greet them and introduce yourself, then ask them about their culture, they'll always bring up NASCAR and how much they love junior.

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