Red Bull advertising is repugnant in every single way. I hate their ads. I want them removed from the television, on the grounds that it is false advertisement.

I know for a FACT that you do not get wings from solely drinking Red Bull. It is not biologically possible for said drink to cause spontaneous growth of wings. I don't care what their advertising bastards would say either, I'm sure they'd quickly point out that wiiings is misspelled, and that the noun of which they speak is simply a new word for, a crappy beverage that not only tastes bad, but also doesn't really do anything other than hop you up on sugar. Well, that's all well and good, but I can clearly see in their cartoon commercials that the people who drink the swill called Red Bull are sprouting wings and flying about.

I really don't like the premises of the ads either. A bird craps on a man, man drinks Red Bull flies up and drops trow to shit on bird. That's not funny it's stupid. So is the concept of two people stripping in the air and porking for all the world to see, that's lewd behavior, and would get real people slapped with indecent exposure, along with a listing on the sex offenders registry. What the holy hell are they trying to do, get all Americans arrested for being ingorami?

Another Red Bull advertising staple that pisses me off are the jackasses who drive the Red Bull cars and hand out free samples, like they're giving you something you've never heard of in your life. Look, prick, I know about Red Bull and it sucks, so even if it's free, I'm not gonna drink it. They also need to get the bouncy frickin' attitude removed from them surgically, it is really annoying. I got no problem with people who are genuinely happy people, but these assholes are doing it to put on a show to convince people that their beverage makes you an all-around happy yuppy bitch. Drop dead Red Bull ad execs.

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